Friday Happiness

Its Friday, which is wonderful news. My heart is no longer dark inside from the prospect of having to work another day. I'm joking. I like to exaggerate because i think sometimes its funny. I could be very wrong though and that would explain why hardly anyone laughs at my exaggerations.
I do understand "grown ups" better now though. Monday is the worst day of every week and Friday is the best...or Saturday is the best..I havent quite made up my mind. Either way today is a good day.

I've been thinking of some of my habits and wondering where they came from. Mostly those habits that my girlfriend points out to me as being unbearable, though she'll never openly admit that to me. She just says it without saying it like all girls do with everything. And i've come to the conclusion about my impatience, which i view as a habit and not a personality trait, it all started with my biological father who from here on out will be referred to as Jack Ass (not to be confused with my adopted father who i will refer to as John, so make the distinction in your minds now). Jack Ass taught me to be impatient in some weird osmosis way. He was the most impatient person in the world. He was that guy that you know thats always like 5 seconds away from just beating the living crap out of someone, thus scaring the bejeezus out of me. You never knew when he was gonna explode. He didnt wait around for anything, you had to be on time, if you called him on the phone you had to get to the point quick, you had to do everything right the first time or else...
It just rubbed off on me. I dont do it cause i want my way. I actually may do it because i'm still afraid, but i'll have to pay a therapist to tell me if thats true or not. Luckily his Jack Ass-ness didn't rub off on me though some people may disagree on that point, but i'll pay you to be on my side so that instantly makes me cooler.

I am an avid reader of the news, every day even multiple times a day i check the world and local news. I've become famous here at the office, because of it. I know things most people dont know, or truthfully what most people dont care about. Test me. Ask me when the price of stamps is going up and how much....come on..ask me...or dont..whatever. So anyways I'll try to post things on here that are interesting for the sake of satisfying my lone reader (hey baby!) who wouldn't care if all i wrote about was poop. (huh..could be interesting...)

My sweet lady is a writer. And she doesn't write about stamps or poop so i think she has a really good chance of being famous for the things she writes. She's better than she knows. Or maybe she does know but either way she's pretty damn good. I actually beg for her to write more. In fact i was thinking about how i love reading books but after 200 or so pages its done and even if its like the most amazing book in the world there's no way you can get more..thats just the end of the story..not so with my amazing writer girlfriend...we have sex so i can always get what i want from her. I can always get more. Its a beautiful thing. I will not want for entertainment of the literary persuasion. I'll always get more beacuse i have the body of a god..

Speaking of my body... 4'11" 112lbs. Thats a recipe for perfection right there. Or well..it COULD be..I didnt know you could make 112 look bad but i think i have it down pretty good. And i'm not really one to be focused on appearances. I'm a chubby chaser through and through. I think the hottest girls in the world are the ones that have some junk in the trunk and and in the front...but come on...112!! my butt shouldn't jiggle as much as it does when i walk. It should stay firmly in place, my abs should be rock hard, and my biceps should be just big enough to pick up my blushing bride...er girlfriend. There was a test i learned from a book that i'm going to conduct on myself. I'm sure this has only been done by 11 year olds but i'm going to try and put my own twist on it. Here's how it goes pretty much: You take a pencil and put it underneath your boob if it stays there you need a bra. Makes sense. If your boobies can hold things or be used as a secret pocket its time to make sure they are supported in the best way possible. So i'm going to try this pencil experiment with my booty. If it stays its time for a booty bra. I've never seen a saggy butt that i know of but i dont have to see with my own eyes to know with my own heart that it is probably one of the most unattractive things in the world. And though the person who shares the other half of my heart is probably the most loving human being on the planet i dont know that i could do that to her. Showing up for sex in the shower with a saggy ass is probably a form of punishment in some third world country. I can't bring myself to do this to her. Something must be done...I could join a gym. I could do butt excercises everyday. Or i could convince her that a jiggly booty is the sexiest thing there is and its really fun to smack it and watch it shake and hope this is a turn on to her...yeah..i think i'm going with Plan C. I promise i'll look into butt bras on ebay though just in case things dont work out as planned. And you know something else..i wish my body came with sperm...but that is a whole different subject...


Here's something i plan to feature in all my blogs starting now.

Songs I'm crazy about right now.
"You Wont Ever Be Lonely" by Andy Griggs.
Its mushy and sappy and sweet in an absolutely perfect way. One day i'll stand outside my girlfriends window with a stereo over my head and serenade her with this song and hope she'll take me into her bed and have her way with me, saggy butt and all. Definitely a song being played at our wedding.

"Grandpa (Tell me about the good old days)" by The Judds.
I have deceived myself into thinking i'm actually good at singing this song though i know maybe one third of all the words. But my mom loves it and i'll admit that is a good sized portion of why i like it. She actually sings it so good that i think she may have been a Judd herself.

"I'm the Only One" by Melissa Etheridge.
This is my favorite Melissa E song. I'll confess to having a seriously enormous crush on her and an even bigger one on her wife Tammy. But ANYWAYS..I suppose I love this song so much because i actually know the story behind it. (I read books) Its moving and I can jam out to it and feel like a rock n roll lesbian. Which of course i'm not. I'm a pretty nerdy, bookish lesbian but we are all allowed to pretend sometimes.

How'd ya like that?